A Black & White Movie

trying to be nice, what did i get in return? craploads.
sometimes, i do an essay or assignment for people, i hope to gain friendship. and sometimes, it fails.and i hope to exchange numbers with co-workers, instead of just behaving like close friends......
its just like the sub-comm, we behave like friends, but after the meeting, everyone goes his/her separate ways....probably i don't have an interesting personality.
and ps. i have found guys nicer than that bendan, why i never treasured them? they just set the standard for the ideal gentlemen and stuff....and ps. i got 2 guys number from my workplace, lost/misplaced one of the numbers....and the other number is in my phone, but i haven't called or smsed him. because, what will he say? that he doesn't even want me to be his friend? then, there is this guy with the gf....don't dare to get his number. and there is another guy who talked to me, but in a very co-worker way, not so friendly.....and there was this guy, whom i saw today...introduced himself and talked to me....if i find myself staying longer than i should, i hope to get all their numbers.....and maybe the girls who were friendly enough....to play, talk about personal life etc. u must feel close enough for physical contact in a fun way, right? i still kind of miss those guys from my ex-school, and often came to talk to me when i was lonely.....and some co-workers from my workplace reminded me of them....
when i saw the guy on the train, with 2 phones and 1 tablet/ipad or whatever, and a wallet, my first thought is:''why is he not carrying a bag?''carrying all the things in his hands?'' and also:''he may get robbed'''...and when his hands were covering something mysterious, i thought it was a couple ring present, a necklace, a pendant or a small box of chocolates for his gf....turned out to be his possessions.
why don't i know how to treasure those people who really mean well/ask for romantic dates/really want to be friends?
and when i saw the love hurts thing on sgc, i knew i had to post the chinese phrase on fb.....because its how we all feel at some point in time....ps. feeling upset as i could not make coffee properly....actually i can, except for the milk foam....very difficult for me...and i was assigned to be host....honoured....but it was quite boring....and one customer said that i should get a raise, because i took initative to run over to him to pass him the menu, when he was looking at the poster...and he actually praised me....sometimes, i love my job....but i am not a people-person, its hard to smile when i am sad, and sometimes, i have to keep up facades.....and i do wish i was in a high-powered position....
they say people with high EQ have low IQ and vice versa.....but to me, this is bullshit.
anyway, i think i have neither.
and the important trait that any guy should have? intelligence.
because, intelligence can be used to earn money. never mind qualifications. bosses can tell if a worker is intelligent and give him ample opportunities if they are feeling kind etc.
the money earned can be used to enhance looks.
money can be squandered away easily. no point amassing a vast fortune and spending it all away.
looks can be used to earn money, it has some advantages, but intelligence is the best.
personality is very important, but it can be cultivated, like a facade. or it can be used as a mask to disguise a person's true colours and intentions. sometimes, people put on such a good act, u can't even tell that its not their true personality.
intelligence is important. we are limited by our intelligence. and hard work can compensate for intelligence to a certain extent. also, they say that IQ+EQ=success at work....the point is, if a person was more intelligent, a person would not need to try so hard......and intelligent but lazy is useless...of course. but worse, if the person is really beyond hope but very hardworking, because there is seriously no point trying. a good amount of intelligence, or average at least, is important. no offence. and due to some bastards, i am feeling insecure about my body....look, i don't want to have big or small whatever, don't want to be well-endowed or too ahem....but i just want people to look at me and say:''average figure, and everything....''
i used to be a looks person, and i may go for looks to some extent, but i may completely not even go for looks.
the point is, the person must have some strong points to stand out when it comes to dating: it could be intelligence, personality, looks, etc.
sorry to say that money doesn't work....i rather earn it myself. i never really fell for anyone's money.
i have crushes on people based on looks before.
but i realised, there is an increasing amount of people i am crushing on, because i felt that they had expertise, they were intelligent, they were humourous, and they had a good personality. not just nice-nice, but super-nice.....and good personality includes: being witty, being very concerned for others, being interesting, fun-loving, and chatty. they hardly run out of topics to talk about.....
and i guess, they are from my workplace....current one?
and i had other crushes on people WHOM i reckon are super-intelligent in some way....but i won't disclose their names....but i know that they kept replying my messages, or they may have gone out with me one-on-one....and maybe they got mad when i tried to be funny or something?? could be 18,19, 20 or older....fine, i admit, i had a bit of a crush on someone who went out with me when i did the belly piercing. and i was crushing on someone who entertained all my nonsensical questions. i was spamming his message folder like mad.... okay, fair enough. they don't like me okay? full-stop. conversation ends here....after all, you only live once. so i am not afraid to get hurt and humiliated again, after having been through so much...ps. my work account is for those like sub-comm members who treat me as friends sometimes, but don't feel like friends.....or some horrid people haha. or some friends who mistakenly added me as friends there. or its for employers to see?
and if the guys at the workplace chance upon this, never mind. because at least, i am not crushing on one guy only. so they will know that i will never do anything silly to entertain my thoughts about love for now. because, a woman cannot have so many ahem......and besides, they probably all don't like me. THEY PROBABLY HATE ME NOW THAT I SAY THIS. BUT HEY, I GO OUT WITH A COUPLE OF PEOPLE. AND I HAVE A LOT OF CO-WORKERS. AND YES, MAYBE OTHER PEOPLE WOULDN'T KNOW WHO I AM REFERRING TO? AND NEITHER WOULD THEY? AND PROBABLY, IF THEY KNEW, OTHER PEOPLE WOULDN'T KNOW? AND I SPAM A LOT OF PEOPLE'S INBOXES RIGHT? UNLESS THEY DISCLOSE THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE, THIS SECRET IS SAFE, HEHE, EH. BUT I WILL NEVER. THERE IS NO POINT IN DOING SO. and hey, maybe they will never see me again? or maybe they are not going to see me? yeah, sounds great.
ps. that guy on the train struck me as a selfish person. i don't know why, and yes, i can be very selfish, i mean, what have i done to show my appreciation to my co-workers for helping me at times? but for a r/s to work, too bad.....idk.......i feel its so fake and superficial.not that u are expecting financial gains or anything.....but some homemade sandwiches or cupcakes made by a guy would be awesome.....if i find that i am lacking in cash, i would try making cupcakes.....its all so stupid....

Stuck here at9:19 AM