A Black & White Movie

i wonder if the ``no, we cannot reveal your marks....``in response to did i fail.....means that i failed.....? or i was safe?nb cb...pure betrayal....a supposed friend decided to pair up with someone else and left me alone...well, now, i am the betrayer now....i realised i missed her calls and sms.....oh well, a lot of people complained that the test was tough.....and listening comprehension=can barely hear a thing.....
the damn oral was to help us pass, but the teacher is so anally strict with oral......and this girl kept saying that i should say.....``ah`` as an affirmation at certain parts......
seriously.....nb cb....if i don`t pass this module, my damn mum has something to say about me....lousy useless weak stupid etc.
wtf....dirty linen out to dry again....
and ben ben must be laughing at me, nonetheless....
i hope i can secure full marks for essay and writing, so i don`t have to bother about the writing....fine, i am weak and stupid, and i concede defeat easily.....
so, let`s say i can never cope with extra commitments on top on basic diploma, but even so, i have absolutely no interest in the modules for the diploma.....and i absolutely feel there is no effect.
because i didn`t study for it, except for a few sneak peeks and a revision hours before it....
bitch, nb cb....bitching again......
now i understand how some people feel....when they are so self-absorbed and narcissistic.....
so i am dylexic? and discalculia and all other problems.....
i don't belong....i feel that i don't belong to any race, religion, or educational institution........i figure out, maybe if i failed marginally for the oral part, and failed marginally for the other component, i still can make up for it...but the stakes are fucking high......i mean its not 5% or 10% or 20%, its 40% for fuck's sake.....yea well, the results will not be revealed, thats what she said....
but nxt wk, probably all will be clear, at least i hope so, or else i am going to the module leader and stuff....at first the teacher said that i should pass......then now, its uncertainty and uncertainty.....have to work on familiarising and the thing is, my pronunciation is very bad, barely audible....normally, i would scrape through....but if it is too strict? there is no way around this one....if i fail the next test, i fail. if i pass, i pass. if i pass this one, i pass.
if i get to the next level, then i will just continue. if not, then i have to accept it...when u meet bitchy people, it makes u wish that u could have gone to france.....and at least have an opportunity to skip levels......maybe if i really fail, but i realise that i can pass, maybe i have to retake it and go to france to improve it in an expedited manner.....
and i thought by contributing more to one project, i may receive a lot more assistance for the other project.....maybe i did receive assistance, maybe it wasn't enough.....
and the thing which is making life miserable is: don't talk about people since u don't even bother to get to know them.....
i really have no mood to do any tutorials.....
oh, and i am not surprised....of course someone like benben would not bother to understand....he has his own problems....and i am just a joke, so of course, i would not even fall for his trap.....all i want is a carefree and happy life...enough to eat, a roof over my head etc. minus all those problems.......being with someone who understands u.....i'm tired of fighting life's battles....i really am...and i don't want to hear any of those bullshit.....either life gets better or it does....
and i decided that i was fucking sick and tired of smiling.
i don't have to say "its okay, its alright"....whenever something goes wrong.....
why do i have to even be nice to u, when u badmouthed me.....
then after that, something happened, and u act all nice and apologise, well, whether apology accepted is one thing, but another thing is, don't act all warm and fuzzy around me.
i am not buying it.....
and i certainly do not have to respond to u....
because we are technically non-friends, and u are either someone who asked me what would be tested for a module, acted friendly, then badmouthed me after that....or u are someone whom i don't even know, but i see in school, and u decided ''what's up with that girl,yo! i am gonna dig up some good shit...."......
sometimes, ending ur life when nothing goes right seems like the solution....however, its just escapism from reality....it is cowardish....and its painful....very painful......non-painful ways are banned from ''healthy,non-suffering'' human beings.....
i don't think i need to put up an act, plaster a fake smile on my face if u are a fake friend, and u pretend to friend me to get something, and badmouth me.......nobody enjoys this kind of nonsense....so get a life....admit it: u wanted tips for last sem's module....on what would be tested on or something.....or whether case law would be needed.......or u wanted to add me on fb for some silly reason, without even talking 10 sentences to me.
obviously, all my parents see are the problems caused by me.....but they never saw that it took a catalyst to set me on this vengeful path.....
oh well.
ben ben was hearing every single motherfucking word.
seriously.....thats why i thought a particular person and i was so compatible....but feelings are not mutual.....cause' the person is too horny.....always complaining about life, parents etc.....

Stuck here at7:09 AM